


Company Group Chat (AKA Why Are All These "People" Coworkers)

by spacetrashpile



Category: Blaseball (Video Game)
Genre: M/M, all the chapters are super short but idk i might write more of this, also the timeline of this is fucked, and the rest of it takes place during the grand siesta, but if we pretend that wyatt didnt probably die, chat fics are my favorite brand of fic. i put my oc in here. this is for me., however i am posting it because i want more people to be exposed to ivy, i dont understand how shadowing works to ive fucked with it for my own fun, i read a lot of mike/tillman fic before this so that's why it is featured, i wanna include some flowers players at some point, ill explain them in the notes, it did not help me write tillman any better, ive decided the commissioner uses he/they pronouns because why not, the first chapter definitely takes place post the necromancy and pre the new boss, there will be a username key dw, this fic is for me and me alone, this is a discord server but only barely, this is literally just random blaseball characters fucking around
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-15
Updated: 2020-12-15
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:08:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,078
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28092192
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spacetrashpile/pseuds/spacetrashpile
Summary: A Blaseball chatfic. A company groupchat that's barely used for work. The Commissioner, The Monitor, The Microphone, Jaylen, Mike, and others fucking around in a discord server.
Relationships: Jaylen Hotdogfingers & Mike Townsend, Tillman Henderson/Mike Townsend, for like 3 lines
Comments: 2
Kudos: 6





	1. Yes I'm Calling It Dliscord

**Author's Note:**

> So lemme explain Ivy Bartlett before you get in here. I was trying to summarize Blaseball stuff to a friend and I was using the Blaseball Beat to do so. I then reread every Beat like four times, blacked out, and when I woke up I had a Blaseball OC. Ivy uses she/thy/xe, and she's the in-universe Blaseball Beat writer. She's also called The Reporter in Blaseball Title Fashion. Xe's close with Parker and is friends question mark with The Monitor. Also they're a bit in love with every woman in the league but especially Jayeln. Ok that's all here's the key for the usernames for everyone featured in this chapter.  
> Ivy Bartlett/The Reporter: commissioner hate account  
> Parker Macmillan/The Commissioner: gender: a good job  
> Jaylen Hotdogfingers: unstable but mentally  
> Mike Townsend: help girl i’m in the shadows  
> Wyatt Mason/The Microphone: *ungodly static noises*  
> The Monitor: your favorite cephalopod :)

**commissioner hate account:** hello theydies and gays

 **commissioner hate account:** i’m very glad we have a company group chat, that’s very sexy of us

**your favorite cephalopod :):** I Don’t Understand How Is A Dliscord Slerver Sexually Appealing

**commissioner hate account:** however

 **commissioner hate account:** there’s only three of us here. that is barely a group chat.

 **commissioner hate account:** and today i found out the microphone has a dliscord

 **commissioner hate account:** so parker can we please add him i know he doesn’t technically work here but the boss doesn’t need to know

**gender: a good job:** wait dliscord works in whatever hell dimension he’s in

**commissioner hate account** : apparently!

**your favorite cephalopod :)** : Does He Have A Computer In There?

**commissioner hate account:** no idea!

 **commissioner hate account:** it seemed impolite to ask

**gender: a good job:** but yes let him in ivy

***ungodly static noises* joined the slerver**

***ungodly static noises*:** why is there no one here

 ***ungodly static noises*:** do you guys not have friends or something

**commissioner hate account:** wyatt you just got here be nice

***ungodly static noises*:** more people in the league have dliscord ya know

**gender: a good job:** why do you know this

***ungodly static noises*:** simple, the void gets lonely

 ***ungodly static noises*:** i pressured the only people i can talk to to get dliscord so i could hang out with them more

**your favorite cephalopod :):** Don’t You Have Twitter?

***ungodly static noises*:** yeah but mike townsend (doesn’t use twitter)

 ***ungodly static noises*:** also he’s not here please don’t tell him i stole his joke i always tell him it’s not funny but i’m lying

 ***ungodly static noises*:** i also have jaylen’s dliscord 

**commissioner hate account:** oh shit really???

**gender: a good job:** we get it ivy youre a lesbian

**commissioner hate account:** i hate you so much parker

**gender: a good job:** i know mwah

**your favorite cephalopod :):** Jaylen!! I Would Like Her To Be Added. I Haven’t Gotten The Chance To Talk To Her Since She Came Back To Life

**gender: a good job:** ok can do!

**unstable but mentally joined the slerver**

**help girl i’m in the shadows joined the slerver**

**unstable but mentally:** what’s up gays

**help girl i’m in the shadows:** Hi! 😊

**gender: a good job:** this feels like the right number of people for a group chat

 **gender: a good job:** are you happy now ivy

**commissioner hate account:** yes ty parker

**help girl i’m in the shadows:** Wyatt gave us an extremely quick rundown so does anyone want to properly introduce themselves?

**your favorite cephalopod :):** Hello Again Jaylen! How Has Being Out Of The Hall Been?

**unstable but mentally:** hi monitor

 **unstable but mentally:** it’s been traumatizing

**your favorite cephalopod :):** Yeah That Tracks!

**commissioner hate account:** hi lads, i’m ivy, aka the reporter. i’m the blaseball beat person. she/they/xe pronouns

 **commissioner hate account:** parker is currently away, i think he might be getting lectured over a rule they accidentally let pass

 **commissioner hate account:** i can’t hear everything, something about robots? in the league? i think?

 **commissioner hate account:** point is i’ll do his introduction. parker’s the commissioner, he/they pronouns

**help girl i’m in the shadows:** Ok so you guys obviously know Parker and are friends with him

***ungodly static noises*:** knowing him is debatable but continue

**help girl i’m in the shadows:** So you all calling them Parker makes sense.

 **help girl i’m in the shadows:** Are Jaylen and I allowed to call him that?

**your favorite cephalopod :):** I Don’t See Why Not!

**commissioner hate account:** i know “the commissioner” makes him sound important but i promise he is not

 **commissioner hate account:** they’re literally just an intern

**unstable but mentally:** why does all the big ominous stuff go through an intern’s twitter, just wondering.

**commissioner hate account:** the boss doesn’t understand social media

**your favorite cephalopod :)** : The Boss Doesn’t Understand Many Things

***ungodly static noises*:** actually quick question

 ***ungodly static noises*:** who _is_ the boss

 ***ungodly static noises*:** i don’t think any of the players have ever met them

**commissioner hate account:** uh

  
**your favorite cephalopod :):** No Comment :)


	2. The Boss (But It's The New One)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Usernames from last time remain the same

**gender: a good job:** so i have good news and bad news

**gender: a good job:** which do we want to hear first

**unstable but mentally:** uhhhhhh

**help girl i’m in the shadows:** I vote bad news

**help girl i’m in the shadows:** Unless someone died then good news

**gender: a good job:** no one is dead mike jesus christ

**gender: a good job:** why would i tell you all someone died over dliscord

**gender: a good job:** in the COMPANY GROUP CHAT

**help girl i’m in the shadows:** I don’t know, people die in this splort all the time!

**help girl i’m in the shadows** : Where else would you tell us if someone got incinerated or something?

**gender: a good job:** ok fair enough

**commissioner hate account:** what’s the news, parker?

**gender: a good job:** so an intern snitched

**gender: a good job:** and the new boss now knows we have a groupchat

**gender: a good job:** and she wants in because “if it’s just for company business, there should be nothing to hide, right?”

***ungodly static noises*:** she seems nice enough, what’s the issue

**your favorite cephalopod :):** She Will Not Be Happy To See You And Mike In Here

**your favorite cephalopod :):** You Do Not Technically Work With Us

**help girl i’m in the shadows:** I still play though doesn’t that qualify me??

**your favorite cephalopod :):** Is She Paying You?

**help girl i’m in the shadows:** No,,,

**help girl i’m in the shadows:** She says she doesn’t have to because I’m “shadowed” and I can’t find anything that proves her wrong

**gender: a good job:** oh that’s fucked up

**help girl i’m in the shadows:** I know

**unstable but mentally:** i also have a feeling she wouldn’t like me but idk. she just gives off bad vibes.

**gender: a good job:** so we have to remove you guys from the group chat if we let her in

**commissioner hate account:** ughhhhhh

**commissioner hate account:** this literally isn’t even a work group chat anymore why don’t we tell her that

**gender: a good job:** because if we tell her its a personal group chat she'll get mad at us for using it on company time

**commissioner hate account:** good point good point

**gender: a good job:** remember when i said there was good news

**gender: a good job:** can i please say the good news

**your favorite cephalopod :):** Yes Parker Go Ahead :)

**gender: a good job:** ty

**gender: a good job:** good news is i made a new group chat

**gender: a good job:** You Have Been Invited To: *pleggle dude voice* company group chat 2! (no shitty capitalists allowed)

**gender: a good job:** im gonna delete this conversation obvi 

**gender: a good job:** and jaylen, mike, wyatt, i’m very sorry but you will unfortunately have to leave this one

**unstable but mentally:** oh thank god i did not want to interact with that coin

**unstable but mentally:** i don’t trust her as far as i could throw her

**unstable but mentally:** which is very far i am a good pitcher and she is small

**unstable but mentally has left the slerver**

***ungodly static noises* has left the slerver**

**help girl i’m in the shadows has left the slerver**

**gender: a good job:** ur welcome ivy now you can continue to simp on company time

**commissioner hate account:** shut the fuck up parker

**commissioner hate account:** also thank you for waiting until she left to say that

  
**your favorite cephalopod :):** What Does Simp Mean


	3. Amon Gus

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New additions to the username pile:  
> York Silk: peppermint patty  
> Tillman Henderson: the coolest dude in the league

**gender: a good job:** we should play among us

**unstable but mentally:** oh sexy

**help girl i’m in the shadows:** I’d be down!

**commissioner hate account:** we only have 6 people though

 **commissioner hate account:** actually 5 i think the monitor is doing work

***ungodly static noises*:** i can fix that

 ***ungodly static noises*:** @your favorite cephalopod :) quit your hall monitoring

**your favorite cephalopod :):** Why

***ungodly static noises*:** join our among us game

**your favorite cephalopod :):** Of Course

**gender: a good job:** do we know any other players with dliscord 

**gender: a good job:** we can kick them out of the group chat later just wanna fill out the players

**your favorite cephalopod :):** York Silk Uses Dliscord 

**unstable but mentally:** why does the eight year old have dliscord

**your favorite cephalopod :):** The Eight Year Old Also Plays Blaseball

**unstable but mentally:** fair point

**peppermint patty joined the slerver**

**peppermint patty:** i heard we were playing among us?

**commissioner hate account:** hi york!

**gender: a good job:** i looked away for two minutes who sent the six year old the link

**peppermint patty:** actually i’m eight so shut the fuck up

**help girl i’m in the shadows:** I have Tillman’s dliscord.

**unstable but mentally:** no

 **unstable but mentally:** mike i support you and your horrible taste in men but we’re not letting him in

**help girl i’m in the shadows:** You don’t support my taste in men though. 

**help girl i’m in the shadows:** Also if we play among us with him that means you can kill him

**unstable but mentally:** …

 **unstable but mentally:** fine

 **unstable but mentally:** but parker you’re kicking him when we’re done

**gender: a good job** ten four good buddy

**the coolest dude in the league joined the slerver**

**the coolest dude in the league** : hello 5s a 10 is speaking

**gender: a good job changed [the coolest dude in the league] to [a 6 at best]**

**a 6 at best:** i hate you so much parker

[one round later]

**unstable but mentally:** hi everyone i found a corpse

**commissioner hate account** : which one

**unstable but mentally:** tillman’s

 **unstable but mentally:** i’m gonna say rn that i literally saw the monitor kill him

 **unstable but mentally:** however

 **unstable but mentally:** i propose we don’t vote him out 

**unstable but mentally:** because he has spared us from having to listen to tillman

**help girl i’m in the shadows:** 🙁 Jaylen don’t be mean

**commissioner hate account:** ok great so we’re skipping

**a 6 at best:** fuck you guys

**your favorite cephalopod :):** Tillman You Are Dead Please Refrain From Speaking

[one round later]

**help girl i’m in the shadows:** Hi everyone I found York’s body

 **help girl i’m in the shadows:** Are we allowed to vote out The Monitor now?

**commissioner hate account:** oh yeah definitely

**unstable but mentally:** he killed the league’s favorite child he has it coming now

**gender: a good job:** isn’t he the league’s only child?

***ungodly static noises*:** that doesn’t mean he’s not our favorite

**your favorite cephalopod :):** York Was Alone In Electrical What Was I Supposed To Do?

**commissioner hate account** : not kill him??

***ungodly static noises*:** leave electrical

**unstable but mentally:** go kill someone else we don’t like then we wouldn’t have to be voting you out

**your favorite cephalopod :):** But I Like All Of You! I Cannot Choose Favorites!

 **your favorite cephalopod :):** I Can Choose Least Favorites But That Feels Mean!

[one round later, ghost edition]

**unstable but mentally:** PARKER HOW COULD YOU

 **unstable but mentally:** HOW COULD YOU KILL ME

 **unstable but mentally:** YOU MOTHERFUCKER I TRUSTED YOU

 **unstable but mentally:** THE COMMISSIONER IS NO LONGER DOING A GOOD JOB

**your favorite cephalopod :):** Jaylen Please Don’t Swear We Have A Child In Here.

**peppermint patty:** fuck

**a 6 at best:** who the hell taught you to swear

**peppermint patty:** Nagomi, who else

**a 6 at best:** yeah that tracks

**your favorite cephalopod :):** Also We Do Not Support Commissioner Slander In This House

**a 6 at best:** i do

**unstable but mentally:** we do when they betray my trust and kill me

**peppermint patty:** we were all following you around for like 5 minutes waiting for that

 **peppermint patty:** i think he felt bad it took him so long to pull the trigger

**unstable but mentally:** can we all collectively haunt him

**a 6 at best:** yeah what else would we do

**your favorite cephalopod :):** Your Tasks??

**a 6 at best:** why would i do that

 **a 6 at best:** i can’t believe the monitor is trying to get me to do work even after i died

 **a 6 at best:** you sound like the coin

**unstable but mentally:** ooo low blow tillman

**your favorite cephalopod :):** Ok Fine We Can Go Haunt Parker

  
 **peppermint patty:** yay being an annoyance from beyond the grave, my favorite past time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Tillman and the Monitor bit is one of the main reasons I wrote this fic gonna be honest with you all. Also the reason Tillman didn't change his username back is because he doesn't know how. He only got discord because Mike asked him to he doesn't know how to use it.

**Author's Note:**

> If someone's started a Mike Townsend twitter account since I wrote this please do not tell me.


End file.
